Few things in life match the pain of a break-up. From intense sadness to self-doubt and fears about the future, it’s an emotional rollercoaster of a ride, with more ups and downs than a ship caught in storm-tossed seas. However, With the right mindset, it is possible to sail through the storm, heal your heart and use the experience as a stepping-stone to a fulfilling and happy future.
Acceptance is especially challenging if you weren’t the one that instigated the break-up. In the early stages when you’re feeling particularly raw, you will experience a range of emotions and responses, none more so than denial. This may manifest itself through a need to continually talk things through, seek closure and even bargain with your ex. There’s nothing wrong with talking things through or seeking closure, but all too often it’s a sub-conscience resistance to the break-up. Letting go is undeniably painful, but holding on only prolongs your suffering. It won’t be easy at first, but in accepting that the relationship is over, you have begun the journey towards healing and given yourself permission to find love and happiness elsewhere.
Letting go is undeniably painful, but holding on only prolongs your suffering
Time and space
Breaking up is not just the end of a relationship. There will have been dreams and even plans for a shared future that have now also come to an end. This is a loss that you need time and space to grieve. Grief is a process that you will have to go through as part of your healing and the best way to do this, especially in the beginning is to cut your connections with your ex. If there are children involved, this will be harder, but if not, there is no reason for you to keep communicating or connecting. There may come a time in the future where a friendship evolves, but right now, when you’re feeling fragile and vulnerable is not the time to be cultivating any type of friendship with your ex. Give yourself time and space to recover.
It’s one thing to tell yourself that you’ve moved on, and another to actually do it. If you say you’ve moved on yet continue to stalk your ex on social media, replay the relationship in your head, feel victimized or live in the past, you haven’t moved on. Again, this is something that will take time, so be patient and gentle with yourself, but be mindful of any negative responses or patterns that may be impeding your ability to let go. There may be deeper reasons at play. You may have invested your self-esteem and identity in the relationship and are struggling with letting go. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to seek professional help, a good therapist or counselor will work with you to shed light on your sub-conscience thoughts and provide you with the tools to process them in a healthy way.
Look after yourself
When we talk about looking after yourself here, we mean physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It’s not just about getting over a break-up, it’s also about growing from it and harnessing the experience to attract and build a happier future. Be the best friend you can be to yourself, appreciate your qualities, achievements and your very existence. Exercise in whatever form that works for you. Take up a new hobby or interest, do some of the things on your bucket list and if you don’t have one, now is the perfect time to write one! Most importantly, forgive yourself and your ex for the relationship not working out. Events like break-ups are often precursors to more fulfilling and rewarding experiences. They give us an opportunity to grow as people, to discover our strengths and to move towards the best versions of our lives. Keep your heart open, keep trusting and know that the storm will pass.
forgive yourself and your ex for the relationship not working out
When the time feels right, start dating. The internet is awash with dating sites that cater to all age groups and demographics. For every negative story we hear about online dating, there are scores of happy couples who met online. It may feel daunting at first and the idea of writing a dating profile terrifying, but approach it with a positive mindset, and have fun. As well as online dating, there are clubs and social groups like Meetup, which will provide you with opportunities to meet and socialise with people who have similar interests.